Author Topic: FUNNY...FAVOURITE ...TWEETS...QUOTES...FACTS  (Read 2174 times)

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Offline naughtyspice

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FUNNY...FAVOURITE ...TWEETS...QUOTES...FACTS
« on: February 27, 2014, 08:33:24 PM »
You spend the first 2 years teaching children how to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Vodka is made from potatoes, potatoes are vegetables, and vegetables are good for you. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when you realize you're chewing on a borrowed pen.
The best memories come from bad ideas.
Lazy Rule: if it falls under the bed, it's gone. Forever.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
We are the WTF generation: Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.
omg I just saw you on TV" "seriously what channel?" "Animal planet....."
Teacher: "Can u please tell the class why ur so late?" Me: Someone told me to go to hell Me: Couldnt find it at first Me: But now I'm here
Ihate teachers who give homework over break like do u not understand what a break is do u want me to demonstrate on ur neck
Why do old people drive like they have all the time in the world, but young people drive like their days are limited?
Me: Can I go to the restroom? Teacher: What for? Me: TO OPEN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

Add urs...
More coming...

Offline NATH48

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Re: FUNNY...FAVOURITE ...TWEETS...QUOTES...FACTS
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2014, 07:59:41 AM »
Well done

Offline cevion

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Re: FUNNY...FAVOURITE ...TWEETS...QUOTES...FACTS
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2014, 12:29:31 PM »
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones that need the advice. 

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. =

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. 

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2014, 12:31:59 PM by cevion »

Offline DHARKSTEIN

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Re: FUNNY...FAVOURITE ...TWEETS...QUOTES...FACTS
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2019, 06:51:05 AM »
Nice one